15 life-changing things I'd tell my 16-year-old self (1-5)
Hindsight is a wonderful thing—once mistake is made, we can only learn from it. Here I'm sharing some valid points that I would advocate to anyone at 16 and how they much change their perspective!
I can’t remember all that much about my time at school, although, I do remember one —being rather confused about what I wanted my life to be like.
I was in such a naive position in my teens—as are most—yet I was being forced to make decisions around topics and subjects that I wished to study. I was accepting opportunities in some areas, and unknowingly passing up many others.
This is okay for someone who understands how to look at a potential avenue and assess the risks and rewards involved in pursuing it, but (without sounding too much like Yoda) educated I was not.
This is the things with education, it teaches you subjects individually, but fails to make you realise how knowledge and information are intertwined in other areas. One’s hear may think that history would be a good subject to study, but in order to become a pathologist in their later life (just as an example) they would have to focus on current information rather than drawing on that of the past (for the most part).
It’s the same scenario with life decisions. If I move to that city, how will it impact my relationship with family and close friends? If I become an artist and follow my passion, will I make as much money as an accountant; a career I’m not so inclined to enjoy?
Conundrums… the world is full of them. Having reached my quarter life in a relatively healthy and flexible position, I thought it best to share some of the things I’ve learned.
It’s not been easy, but with the insights I’m about to share, I’m hoping that young people (and, in fact anyone) can learn the most valuable lessons about life that were never taught in schools. From mental and physical health to decision-making and rationalising opportunities, the 15 points to follow will shape your thinking for a changing world.
So, whether you’re about to hit your mid teens and make important school choices or you’re pushing 40, and have already experienced much of life’s challenges, keep reading to prepare yourself for the future.
I’d love for you to take the time to read all of these points (which might seem like a lot), but I’m going to be covering more of these important topics here in the weeks and months to come.
Photo by ThisisEngineering on Unsplash
#1: I wish I understood the signs of depression and anxiety
I put this at the top of the list because it’s so prominent in our lives today—and I’m sure even teachers are now talking about this with their students.
Depression is cumulative. Anxiety is… well… I personally think it’s permanent, but flares up like a bad rash if not managed properly. I experienced my first major bout of depression in my early twenties, which seems to have come at an uncanny period of my life.
I was out of school and had failed to meet the health requirements of the Royal Air Force (RAF), only to realise that I had months of tests and analysis ahead of me in order to come close to the mark they wanted. During this time, the idea of enrolling wavered and the time made me realise that it wasn’t worth it for me. So, I ventured out into the working world, picking and choosing jobs that seemed attractive at the time (and that I was actually qualified to do) and, long story short, I’d fallen into a deep depression.
What does depression feel like?
The point of realising you’re depressed is perhaps the most overwhelming. In my personal experience, I began to look back on months, and even years of my life and attempted to analyse where it had all started.
It’s very difficult to put a pin on it, but it’s what has to be done—it’s part of the process of overcoming depression.
What I will say—somewhat of a cliché—is that I wasn’t necessarily healthy. I wasn’t eating right and, eventually, I was working in a job where I was outside digging holes and carrying weight every day.
When I look back, had I paid attention to my health sooner, I may not have taken such a deep decline and rather addressed some of my issues openly. Of course, I eventually did combat my problems, but having fallen so deep into and unhealthy state, the weakness of my body and the overwhelming presence of my heightened anxiety had only pushed those problems down further and made them harder to reach.
If I had paid attention to my health earlier on in my teens, both physically and mentally, it may have been much easier.
#2: I wish I realised how difficult it is to own a home by 30
Back in the RAF application phase of my life, I had a plan. I was going to get a job where all the money went into my pocket and I would buy my first home, rent out, buy another—all that jazz.
This was all great visualisation and motivated me in the early days, but it wasn’t until I reached my early 20s that I realised how much I was betting against the odds. Firstly, I had to get through the RAF’s rigorous entry tests, then pass basic training, and finally make it into the job I was enrolling into. On top of this, I had to make sure that I excelled in the role so that I could sustain the job and enjoy it for years to come (or at least long enough to make it look good on my CV!)
I hadn’t any clarity on the mountainous task I’d set myself. That’s not to suggest that climbing a mountain is a bad thing, but, rather, underestimating it and not looking at the facts make it so easy to underestimate.
I still haven’t bought a house, but that’s okay. I focused so much of my energy on buying that all-important asset that I failed to fully recognised the perks of not having a property—freedom.
Not that I work remotely, and am about to embark on my longest period of travel while also continuing my daily grind, I’m ticking the other major boxes in my life that I had written further down the priority list. I’ve also come to realise that the experiences I’ll gain from travelling are what I yearn for, and perhaps even the risk and uncertainty of what it might look like.
This house-buying thing isn’t all it’s cracked up to be unless it fits with your long-term vision. The really benefit of being an adult is having the freedom of choice.
#3: I wish I realised that work is an enabler, not the essence of life
Perhaps you’ve spent a lot of time thinking about your career.
‘I’d love to working in marketing, but I’m stuck writing cheques in the finance team’.
‘Once I’m earning £40,00 a year, I’ll be free’.
‘I just need that promotion, that title, and then I’ll be able to start looking for a better job’.
In my current situation, it saddens me to see so many people that I know still telling themselves these same things that I once did. Although I’ve never been one to follow the norms, I was certainly burdened by these things. I thought of the next job as my target while the current was a ‘means to an ends’.
I eventually started looking at these experiences collectively and applying my learnings in new job roles, and I began to visualise these roles as the pieces of a much larger entity—my career… no, my life.
Had I known this sooner, I probably wouldn't have changed my approach or adapted my work ethic, but perhaps would have appreciated the time spent with my peers and colleagues.
The experiences, that’s what life is about. Work isn’t the be-all and end-all, but an enabler of new and exciting events.
#4: I wish I’d known that family, friends, and my peers were my greatest inspirations
We’re often asked who our role models are. It has also been somewhat of a tradition to consider celebrities and successful people as our muse. However, those people have also overcome many struggles (I’m sure) and still have things going on in their lives that nobody needs to know about.
Do you know who has also tackled hardship and, as a result, seen great successes in their lives? Answer: Your family, friends, bosses, colleagues, acquaintances—everyone around you.
Family
Now, my family is very traditional in the sense that they grind hard to earn their place. It didn’t matter whether the hourly rate was £4.50 or £50, the work they put in would ultimately compound into the later reward. Even the unpaid work was valuable to me, and I’ve told my Dad recently that I’m so grateful for the tasks he had me endure when I was younger (I still hated them at the time, probably even resented him for it a little).
These things speak to the essence of this post, because this early exposure made hard work second-nature for me. The mundane is what it is, but the rewards will be much great.
Peers
A profound statement that really resonates with me is ‘you are the result of the five people you spend the most time with’. The reason this makes sense goes back in time. We’re shaped by our family in the early stages of our lives and, beyond the nest, we confide in our peers for inspiration.
More importantly, that statement allows a sense of control over who you surround yourself with.
I did the same. Having joined a media company with no experience in 2021, I was able to work my way to the Editor-in-Chief position in less than three years. I had no experience in journalism, or even in writing outside of my personal journal. Surrounding myself with the right people/putting myself in a growth environment really helped me evolve.
I can attribute a lot of my successes to this statement. By putting myself in rooms where I feel the least qualified, I flourished.
#5: I wish I knew the world demands more of me than I do of it
This point is an interesting one, because it’s much harder to put into words. It’s more of a feeling, based on what I know about the world I live in today.
Here’s the reality. Maslow’s Hierarchy of Need spells out the primary things we need to survive. Now, for me it was easy to fulfil the basics: water, nutrition, shelter, and rest. In fact, the next tear—safety—is something I feel I had covered some time ago.
Objectively, as animals, we don’t need anything more to survive. But survival is longer the aim.
There are various other aspects to navigate to thrive in the current world, and this generally boils down to the social aspects of life. Social status, relationships, perception, a sense of belonging, enrichment… all that good stuff.
This is somewhat engrained in us very early on. No longer do we fight for our lives, but for the lives of others—a constant battle of the mind occurs, of which we must all do our best to comprehend.
If I were to speak to my 16-year-old self, what exactly would I tell them about this?
‘Put your phone down'.
But then I realised there is more to it.
In my opinion, young people of a certain age shouldn’t be subjected to phones, tablets or laptops before a certain age, and those who are of age should be taught about the dangers.
Of course, I’m talking bout social media.
Once you have an online presence, it becomes very difficult to put it behind you. Experiencing trauma in your life, for example, need only be an experience that shapes who you are in person, but reflecting this online will ultimately let the world know what’s going on and leave you susceptible to reliving that experience over and over again.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that oversharing on social media puts your life in the hands of others: the owners of social media sites, the users that get a hit of dopamine from other peoples’ struggles or difficulties, or even benefit from the feeling that you have also experienced their pain.
Social media can be used positively when done correctly, but it’s a very dangerous game to play, and one that is becoming increasingly difficult to avoid.
Continue for more…
This is the point where I come clean.
I figured that 15 points with this much detail would be far too much to digest in one go. So, I’ve decided to spread this across three points, and you can find them on my Substack (once published of course).
If you’ve learned something so far, then I’d love for you to let me know so I can continue to provide the thoughts and ideas that you enjoy!
I’d also love it if you could subscribe—you'll be missing out on the upcoming pieces if you’re not following along!